By Elaine Collins, Registered Psychologist
Brain Training Australia – CBT for Adult ADHD Program
Summary: This article was written to help adults with ADHD understand why they may be more vulnerable to emotional manipulation and how they can protect themselves through greater self-awareness, boundary setting, and emotional regulation. It outlines seven practical strategies that ADHD adults can use to stop repeating unhealthy patterns in relationships and build stronger emotional intelligence. The article also promotes the benefits of tailored psychological and psychoeducational support, such as the CBT for Adult ADHD program, to empower individuals with ADHD to navigate relationships with confidence and clarity.
💡 Why This Matters for Adults with ADHD
As an adult with ADHD, you likely experience the world with deep emotional intensity, high empathy, and a strong desire to help others. These are strengths—but without emotional boundaries, they can also become vulnerabilities.
Many adults with ADHD struggle with people-pleasing, difficulty saying no, overthinking, or fearing rejection. These patterns make you more susceptible to emotional manipulation—at work, in romantic relationships, or even within your family (Brown, 2013; Ramsay & Rostain, 2015).
This article will help you recognise manipulation early and give you seven practical, ADHD-friendly strategies to stop repeating unhealthy emotional dynamics and start standing up for yourself with confidence.
1. 🧠 Know Your Emotional Triggers
ADHD brains are wired to feel emotions quickly and intensely (Barkley, 2015). This makes self-awareness your best defence.
Ask yourself:
When do I start doubting myself?
What emotions (guilt, fear of rejection, shame) get used against me?
Do I say yes when I really mean no?
✨ The more you understand your emotional triggers, the harder they are to exploit.
2. ⚠️ Trust That “Off” Feeling
Your nervous system picks up on red flags before your rational mind does. If you feel confused, guilty, or like you’re being cornered—pause.
Instead of reacting, try:
Taking a deep breath
Saying: “I’ll get back to you on that.”
Giving yourself space to process
✨ That pause protects your boundaries and gives you time to choose your response, not react emotionally (Ramsay & Rostain, 2015).
3. 🔒 Set Boundaries Early
ADHD adults often avoid conflict, only to end up overwhelmed or resentful. Practising assertive boundaries can be life-changing.
Try saying:
“That doesn’t work for me.”
“I need to think about that.”
“I’m not available for that right now.”
✨ Boundaries aren’t about being harsh—they’re about being clear. People who respect you will adjust (Martinez & Tsalas, 2018).
4. 🎭 Watch for Emotional Manipulation Tactics
Manipulation often sounds like:
“Don’t overthink it—just trust me.”
“You’re the only one who understands me.”
“I guess I’ll just do it myself, like always…”
These are emotional control tactics designed to bypass your boundaries by activating guilt or confusion (Craig, 2005; Rosenberg, 2015).
Ask yourself:
Is this person asking for a connection, or trying to control how I feel?
5. 🌱Strengthen Your Self-Worth
Many adults with ADHD internalise shame from childhood—feeling too much, not enough, or broken. This can lead to overgiving, people-pleasing, and attaching your worth to what others think (Goleman, 1995; Brown, 2013).
Your value isn’t something you need to earn. Try affirming:
“I matter, even when I say no.”
“I don’t need to be everything to everyone.”
✨ Self-worth is your inner armour against manipulation.
6. 📣 Build Assertiveness Skills
Assertiveness isn’t about confrontation—it’s about honesty. It’s a skill ADHD adults can strengthen through repetition and practice (Linehan, 2015).
Try these phrases:
“That’s not okay with me.”
“I hear you, but I’m saying no.”
“Let’s revisit this when I’ve had time to think.”
✨ The more you practise, the more confident and grounded you’ll feel in difficult interactions.
7. 🔁 Understand Trauma-Bonding
Sometimes, you feel emotionally “hooked” on someone who confuses drama with connection—like a boss, an ex, or even a parent. ADHD adults often confuse intensity for intimacy (Van der Kolk, 2014; Walker, 2013).
Ask yourself:
Is this person making me feel safe, or emotionally chaotic?
What past relationship does this dynamic remind me of?
✨ Once you see the pattern, you can choose to break it.
🧭 Final Thoughts
Being emotionally manipulated isn’t a reflection of weakness. It’s often a result of ADHD-related challenges like emotional sensitivity, low self-esteem, and fear of rejection.
But the more you build awareness, set boundaries, and practise self-worth, the more immune you become to emotional games and guilt tactics.
✨ Every time you pause instead of pleasing, choose yourself instead of self-abandoning, and speak up instead of staying small—you take back control.
🎓 Want More Support?
If this article resonated with you, our CBT for Adult ADHD program is designed to help you build these exact skills—step by step, in ADHD-friendly ways.
✅ Structured tools
✅ Emotional regulation strategies
✅ Goal Setting, Time Management and Executive Function skills
✅ Flexible, self-paced format
References
Barkley, R. A. (2015). Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder: A handbook for diagnosis and treatment (4th ed.). Guilford Press.
Brown, T. E. (2013). A new understanding of ADHD in children and adults: Executive function impairments. Routledge.
Craig, R. J. (2005). Emotionally immature parents: How to heal from distant, rejecting, or self-involved parents. New Harbinger Publications.
Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. Bantam Books.
Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT skills training manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Martinez, R. J., & Tsalas, J. (2018). Emotional intelligence and adult ADHD: A review of current research and implications for treatment. Journal of Attention Disorders, 22(3), 227–234. https://doi.org/10.1177/1087054716685841
Maté, G. (2003). When the body says no: Exploring the stress-disease connection. Vintage Canada.
Ramsay, J. R., & Rostain, A. L. (2015). The adult ADHD toolkit: Using CBT to facilitate coping inside and out. Routledge.
Rosenberg, M. (2015). Nonviolent communication: A language of life (3rd ed.). PuddleDancer Press.
Van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.
Walker, P. (2013). Complex PTSD: From surviving to thriving. Azure Coyote Publishing.
